This interview was initially published in ISSUE 28 of The Ritual, you can subscribe here to read every week for free at Thursday 8am.
“Is this normal?” is a question that Georgia Grace gets asked with almost every client she sees. And her answer? Always a resounding yes.
Georgia Grace is an expert in somatic sexology, embodied counselling and trauma informed approaches. Georgia is also the co-founder of sexual wellness brand Normal. At Normal, Georgia designs educational courses, products and educates users on exploring sexuality and sex toys.
Recently, we sat down with Georgia to unpack what’s really normal, the sex myths she wants to debunk and what her daily wellness rituals look like.
Firstly, can you explain a little more about your background in somatic sexology - what is it really, and how did you find yourself working in this area of sexual wellness?
Georgia: I've always been curious about sex, the psychology of it, the way it affects relationships, the taboo. Over ten years ago now, I decided to quit my corporate job and started studying again. I wanted to be part of the sexual revolution that was helping change the future of sex. I was fascinated by the field of somatic therapy, and I paired that with my fascination with sex, I studied somatic sexology.
Somatic sexology is the integration of somatics, focusing awareness through the body, with sexology, the scientific study of human sexuality. In practice that means working with both "top down" approaches (classic talk based processes) and "bottom up" approaches (drawing on neuroscience, somatic learning theory and embodiment). Top down therapy often starts with how we're thinking, bottom up starts with what we're feeling in the body, and when it comes to sex, pleasure, relationships and trauma, we need to address both the mind and the body.
Somatic work asks us to feel rather than think our way through sex — what does that actually look like in practice, and where do most people get stuck when they try to slow down and tune into their body?
Georgia: People get stuck for a range of reasons, and really this is complex and individual. It could be based on trauma, sexual shame, never having been taught about sex, anxiety, relational conflict, life or body changes, never having been encouraged to value their own pleasure. But we also have to look at context, because we live in a culture that demands we're ‘always on’, responsive and productive, and sex asks the opposite of us. It asks us to slow down, to value pleasure over production, it invites us into the process rather than the goal and to focus on our bodies, when so much of life is pulling us out of the present moment. Many people get hung up on performance. They think their body needs to respond or perform in a specific way, but our bodies are always changing, and they don’t follow the sexual script given to us by rom-coms. So a lot of the work I do is supporting people in learning about their pleasure, building their confidence in their desires, working through the shame or anxiety that comes up, and having a sex life that is fulfilling rather than enduring.
The approach is always different based on the client. Just like any other therapy, it has to be based on the individual who's showing up, so I don't have a blueprint, rather we work together, it's co-created. My sessions draw on a mix of modalities, trauma informed tools, nervous system regulation, and pleasure inquiries. Some parts are more educational, introducing new ideas, others are more process driven, reflecting on what's actually going on for the client. I also work with relationships, where in real time we work on communication, connection and processing together. At the end of each session there are take home practices to implement what's been worked through, because real change happens through learning by doing, not just insight.
You've built a career on making sex talk feel ordinary rather than taboo. What's a question about sex you still get asked that surprises you with how common it is?
Georgia: 'Is it normal that..(insert anxiety).' is the most common question I'm asked. They ask me whether their desire is normal, whether their concern is okay, whether there's something wrong with them. And yes, they are normal. We all think we’re different, but actually we’re more connected and share very similar anxieties. Sex is this interesting thing where people both don't want to stand out and be different, but also want to be exceptional, and receive “the best lover of the year award” annually. I'm surprised that in a world so focused on individualism (a whole other thing, I'll save that rant for another time), when it comes to sex people just want to fit in, and there is so much shame, when they fear there is something different about them.
Outside of your professional lens, what does your own personal wellness ritual look like — is there a practice that helps you feel most embodied or connected to yourself?
Georgia: The thing I’ve loved most about getting older, is that my wellness rituals have become more intuitive, easier, they are not a punishment or a reward that I have to earn.
I'm the type of person who needs routine but gets bored with too much of it. I have to move at the start of each day, this is for my mind as well, it helps me regulate and stay focused and feel chemically good. I must stay connected with my friends, and see people I love throughout the week. I eat food for pleasure, and often I’ll hyper-fixate on a specific cuisine before moving on to my next obsession. I don't restrict or diet, ever, I have a very complicated history with food so I will never diet, it doesn't work for me. I don't let my loved ones speak badly about their bodies in front of me, because that makes me more critical of my own, and I don’t speak critically of my body.
Every day I make time for pleasure. My wellness ritual, the one thing I'll do every single day, is pleasure. I don't even know I'm doing it, I just follow it, I prioritise it, my body just thinks it's a good idea. This is the way I'll wear something that feels good on my body, masturbate, have sex, dance with my friends, eat dessert every night (but honestly after any meal), take naps when I can, look at the moon, get my face in the sun, swim, receive massages .. I don't actively think about pleasure, I just do it.
Of all the things you hear in the sexual wellness industry — what's the most persistent myth about sex that you wish you could retire for good?
Georgia: That you have to change yourself in order to be a sexual person. It is devastating every time I see an expert or a company encouraging people to diet, to lose weight, to cleanse, to change themselves in order to build their sexual confidence. This is dangerous, and it puts the blame on the individual rather than on the sexist and unrealistic beauty standards placed mostly on women. It reinforces this idea that only certain bodies are deserving of pleasure and others aren't, and I see the harmful, pervasive impact of that belief every day in my work. Pleasure isn't something you earn by shrinking yourself or fitting a mould, it's already yours, in the body you have right now.
Your work sits at the intersection of pleasure, communication and relationships — what's one somatic or embodiment practice you think everyone could benefit from, even completely outside of a sexual context?
Georgia: Everyday pleasure. So many people try desperately to bring pleasure into sex, but they rarely connect with what feels good outside of sex. We have to start building that connection outside of a sexual context first. It also just makes our lives more fulfilling. I set the experiment for my clients to carve out 10mins each day for a month and do something pleasurable - I won’t tell them what that is that they ‘should’ do, the learning is about them figuring it out for themselves - big or small, obvious or subtle.
Lastly, what’s one simple thing someone could adopt today to help them create a more sex positive mindset, if talking about sex isn’t quite normal for them just yet?
Georgia: Submerge yourself in sex positive ideas: read books, listen to podcasts, have vulnerable conversations with your friends, and cut out anything that shames sex or bodies. We all have a different idea of what's "normal," but if we build a life that surrounds us with sex positive ideas, that becomes the new normal.
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