We asked, you answered - honestly. Here's what our community really thinks about desire, intimacy and the conversations we're still not having when it comes to pleasure and sex.
We talk about sleep, stress, gut health and hormones all day long. But sex? It tends to sit on the edges of the wellness conversation, whispered about rather than talked about. We think it belongs right in the middle.
So we asked. And 2,206 of you talked to us about sex: what's working, what isn't, and what you wish someone had told you sooner.
The big takeaway? Whatever you're feeling (or not feeling), you are far from alone. Here's what we heard.
Keeping the spark alive.
72% of you want to know how to keep intimacy alive in a long-term relationship.
If that's you, you're in the majority. And it makes sense. The early days of a relationship run on novelty, adrenaline and a lot of spontaneous desire. Years in, life gets fuller: work, kids, mortgages, the group chat, the never-ending mental load of life admin. Desire doesn't disappear, but it often shows up differently.
That's not a sign something is wrong. Many people find that in long-term relationships, desire becomes more responsive than spontaneous. Rather than arriving out of nowhere, it builds once you're already being close, touching or connecting.
A few ways to keep the connection going:
- Make time for it. Scheduling intimacy might sound unsexy, but protecting time for each other makes connection a priority rather than an afterthought.
- Touch without a goal. A long hug, a massage, holding hands on the couch. Not every touch needs to lead somewhere, and taking the pressure off often brings desire back.
- Try something new together. Novelty plays a big role in attraction. That could be a new date spot, a new activity, or something new in the bedroom.
- Get curious about each other again. Ask questions you haven't asked in a while. What's changed for them? What do they miss?
Not really "feeling it"? You're not alone.
One of the clearest themes in your responses was a quiet worry: what if I just don't want it anymore?
Here's what we want you to hear: your sexual desire isn't broken. Libido naturally ebbs and flows across our lives, and it's shaped by very real, important and normal factors. Think new parenthood, a demanding season at work, changes in your cycle, medication, grief, body image, or simply being exhausted.
Low desire is something to get curious about, not ashamed of. Ask yourself what's changed lately, and what your body and mind might need more of. Sometimes that's rest. Sometimes it's more solo pleasure and self-connection. Sometimes it's a conversation with a professional.
For those who are navigating libido changes as a new parent, this blog from sexual wellness brand Normal is a great resource.
Stress, hormones and health.
65% of you said stress, hormones or health impact your sex life.
This is where sex and wellness meet most clearly. Desire doesn't live in a vacuum. It's connected to everything else going on in your body and mind.
Stress. When your nervous system is stuck in "go" mode, rest, connection and pleasure fall down the priority list. Anxiety can also make it harder to stay present, keeping you in your head rather than in your body. Normal suggests simple grounding tools before intimacy, like box breathing, a body scan or slow exhales, and giving yourself permission to reschedule during high-stress periods.
Hormones. Your cycle, pregnancy and post-partum, PCOS, endometriosis and perimenopause can all shift desire, arousal and comfort. Perimenopause usually starts in the early-to-mid 40s, but it can begin earlier, and it can bring changes like lower desire and vaginal dryness.
Health. Sleep, movement, nourishment, medication and mental health all play a part. The basics we talk about every day at KIC (moving in ways you enjoy, eating well, resting) support your sex life too.
If something feels off, or a change in desire is affecting your wellbeing, check in with your GP. You don't need to wait until it's "bad enough".
Try this free breathwork session from the KICApp to bring you into a state of calm.
Saying what you want.
71% of you said communicating your needs and desires was something you needed help with.
This might be the most relatable stat of the lot. Even in loving, long-term relationships, talking about sex can feel exposing. Maybe you never learned the words. Maybe you're worried about hurting your partner's feelings. Maybe it just feels easier to say nothing.
But good sex is built on good communication. The more you can say what you want (and what you don't), the more pleasure there is for everyone.
A few ways to start:
- Pick your moment. Big conversations land better outside the bedroom, over a walk or a coffee, not mid-moment.
- Lead with curiosity, not criticism. "I'd love to try..." lands very differently to "You never...".
- Raise it, then give space. Normal suggests bringing up a new idea once and giving your partner time to think, with no guilt or pressure attached.
- Redirect kindly. If something isn't working, guide rather than shut down.
Pleasure is wellness.
If there's one thing 2,206 of you made clear, it's this: we want to talk about sex. We want better information, better conversations, and permission to put pleasure on the wellness list alongside sleep, movement and nourishment.
So let's normalise it. Whatever you're feeling, or not feeling, it's common, it's human, and you're far from alone.
And stay tuned. We've got something coming very soon to help guide you through all these moments of sexual wellness.
